Sometimes it seems that I spend more time on the road traveling than I do here in Los Angeles. In fact, it doesn't surprise me to realize that I now know the inside of American Airlines' jetliners as well as I do the layout of my own home. Meetings in New York, family simchas and commitments (with six siblings and many cousins these can quickly add up), conferences, speaking obligations, and even the occasional vacation - the number of times I come and go from LAX adds up quite quickly. In fact, at least once a week, a conversation with my mother happens in which she asks me where I will be going on my next trip (even if I haven't yet made the trip to the place I told her about the week previous). After I tell her, she inevitably responds with something like 'busy, busy... I can't keep up with your comings and goings.' And, so the conversation continues with a list of the upcoming trips and the list of places I will be going.
"I can't keep up with so and so's comings and goings." - A similar response that we sometimes get if we ask one busy family member about another, even when they live under the same roof. Different activities, different schedules, different interests, different commitments; it is hard enough to keep up with our own schedules, it can seem impossible to keep up with someone else's, no matter who they are or how much we love them.
Even media outlets use this phrase 'comings and goings' when wanting to give us a quick snapshot list of people who have joined or left a popular TV show or company. Yet, unless it is a major figure whose name or character has become synonymous with the program/company, it is hard to keep up with who is new to the show and who is leaving. This quick laundry list rarely tells us anything about the person or their plans for the future, nor does it give a chance to express the wishes or prayers for them upon arrival or departure.
So, perhaps it is surprising to realize that knowing our comings and goings, and blessing them, actually originates in this week's Torah portion. After a long list of curses for those who ignore God's will as embodied in the Torah, the Torah narrates a series of blessings for those who endeavor to live God's will, recording what has become one of its most famous blessings: "Baruch atah b'voecha, u'varuch atah b'tzetecha - Blessed shall you be in your comings and blessed shall you be in your goings."
Just what is the Torah referring to, and what does it mean for our consciousness and for blessing the moment? Is the Torah talking about the blessing of the traveler, as explained by 15th century Abarbanel (and perhaps implicit in my mother's words), that the Torah's intention in this verse is that we should offer expressions of support, love, and hope for safety when a person is going or coming off a journey to or from the city?
The commentators debate this verse, each offering a different way of understanding one's comings and goings. Perhaps, as Rashi teaches in 11th century France, it is a blessing intended for the moment of death, praying that one should leave this world sin free, just as we were borne into it sin free. Or, as Hizkuni taught his 13th century French students, it is a reference to going out to war, and this is a blessing that one should return safely from battle. The 12th century Spanish commentary, Ibn Ezra, suggests that the Torah is really talking about every day comings and goings, recounting each step a person might take on any given day - leaving the house in the morning, getting in and out of the car, arriving at the office or at school, leaving a meeting, entering a new one, stopping at the grocery store, sitting at the table for dinner with loved ones. In each of these moments, says Ibn Ezra, can be a blessing for success.
The Talmud (Berachot 17a) records the blessings offered by rabbis whose coming and going centered around the Beit Midrash, the house of study, an activity for the rabbis that we would assume was such an every day occurrence. These rabbis, who left their homes to come study with a particular rabbi would, upon departing from their daily lesson, offer these words of blessing:
"May you see your world in your life, and may your end be for the world-to-come, and your hope for many generations. May your heart deliberate over understanding, may your mouth speak wisdoms and may your tongue bring forth song. May your eyelids make you look straight before you, may your eyes be enlightened with the light of Torah and may your face glow like the brightness of the sky. May your lips express knowledge and your insides rejoice in uprightness, and may your steps hasten to hear the words of the Ancient of Days, the Almighty".
Through their comings and goings, these rabbis learned, debated, shared, and struggled with their teacher and with each other. Through the process of exchanging ideas, they came to know one another, to create intimate relationships with one another, and to want the best for each another. And, in their departure from one another, they acknowledge that the intellectual challenge and the opportunity to grow from dialogue with others is a life-altering experience, a moment that fundamentally shifts the balance of the world as it is known to them. In deeply moving and personal words, they offer blessing of their going out of the place of study. Through their example, we too learn about the blessing of coming and going when leaving one another.
Imagine if each of us was to take the moment to offer this type of gratitude upon leaving the company of one whose ideas challenge us to open our minds to new ideas and understandings. Imagine if each of us was to offer words of praise and prayer for those who offered us new insights into ourselves, into the world, into a text, into a new subject matter. Imagine if, after spending all day with people (be it family members, co-workers, business associates), we took leave of one another with words of blessing and prayer.
As we enter this Shabbat, and as we continue marking the month-long preparation for High Holidays - Ken Yehi Ratzon - So, may it be. So, could it be. And, as we depart from one another in this moment of study, I bless us all with words based on Tefilat Haderech, the travelers' prayer:
May it be Your will...to lead us to our desired destination in health and joy and peace, and help us journey home in peace.
Shabbat shalom